His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Your dad touched me again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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