idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
