Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
