you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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