its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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