There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
