pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
