if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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