they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
