i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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