I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
