Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
