Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The air was thick with penises
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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