literally had 100 drinks last night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
