The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
