drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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