Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
