if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
