I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
