the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
