dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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