mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
