Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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