I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i believe in u and ur pee
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
