aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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