My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
