So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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