And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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