haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
