I puked a lego.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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