fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
