remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
