it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I understand Curling. That high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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