First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
