Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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