ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
