you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
3 2 1 whiskey
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
