i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
