I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
