We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
