I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
