Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
