the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
