She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
