When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
