there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
