White coat. Heels.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bring me that man meat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
