youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
