My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
