I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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